Wise Observer

Don’t Lose Your Mind

Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton
of pressure? Are you trying too hard to make something work and
focusing too much on trying to fulfill other people’s needs and
expectations? You may have “lost your mind!”

My small still voice often speaks to me in cryptic one-liners.
I’ll never forget the first time I heard the quiet whisper,
“You’ve lost your mind.” And no, I had not lost my mind through
hearing strange voices! Rather, this cryptic one-liner was
reminding me I was trying too hard to fulfill other people’s
expectations and solve their problems.

This cryptic statement harkened back to an article I had read by
Management Consultant, Barry Oshry. This article referred to
Middle Managers who begin their careers as healthy humans but in
time become confused, weak, powerless and self-doubting as they
slide into the ‘Middle Space’ becoming torn between demands from
the people Above and Below… hence “losing their mind.”

At that time I had taken on a new contract to facilitate a six
week “Leadership” series for a local college. In my anxiety to
do a good job I was trying too hard to emulate the program
designer’s “superior knowledge” and trying hopelessly to solve
the high-stress, workplace problems of the managers who were my
participants. Of course, I knew I had the necessary skills and
experience to facilitate this series yet, I had “lost my mind.”

Reconnect With Your God

Focusing on other’s needs and expectations removed me from my
own knowledge and power. My stress elevated and my
self-confidence plummeted. Thankfully, that gentle nudge of
“you’ve lost your mind” helped me see how I was eroding myself
through comparing myself and worrying about what other people
thought, wanted or needed. This is our cue to stop, step back
inside and reconnect with our own truth - our own God.

In doing this we step back into our own authenticity and own
power. Here we can reformulate our own view, thoughts and
perspectives on what is happening and what we need. We can let
go of the guilt and self-doubt we feel in trying to meet other’s
expectations or in trying to solve their problems. We can relax
and trust in our Higher Power always there for us.

Certainly, as leaders, managers, family members and humans we
have a responsibility to listen and empathize with those in our
close circle but it is not our job to solve their problems or
fulfill their expectations… which is all a part of the coaching
process. Rather than striving to give other people answers,
everyone concerned is better served if we instead help others to
reflect on their own solutions or options. This is what it means
to be a coach.

Be a Coach

We can let people know we care about their situation and that we
are willing to work with them to empower them to solve their own
problem. We can listen, empathize and ask pertinent questions
all of which encapsulates the art of coaching. After carefully
listening to and empathizing with another’s problem you might
consider asking some of the following questions if they seem
appropriate:

“Have you ever had a similar situation in your life and found
something that worked? What options do you have in this
circumstance? That’s one possibility, any others? What outcome
do you want? What really matters here? Would it help to break
this into smaller steps? What do you need to change or to move
this forward? What is standing in the way? What other people or
resources could help you? What steps can you take from here?
What will you do and by when? Would you like me to hold you
accountable for your commitments?”

Be careful not to turn coaching into a probing session! Always
be respectful and gentle with others and of course, yourself.
Remember if you are feeling overwhelmed, lacking confidence or
you are trying too hard you may have “lost your mind.” Let go of
comparing and trying to meet others expectations and needs.
Trust yourself and be a coach!